i have brought you here today to discuss this photo.
what is this photo? you might ask.
well my friends. this is the photo that Sergio Ramos Garcia, a man universally known as one of the world’s best centerbacks & a man - at the ripe old age of 27 years - who already boasts an incredibly impressive resume of awards & recognition & stats, has decided to make his new cover photo for his official facebook page.
Upon seeing this, being the naturally inquisitive human bean that I am, I couldn’t help but be perplexed, curious, and disturbed. I have distilled my general sense of befuddlement into 11 questions.
- What is the meaning of this?
- Why does it look like something a digital artist back in 1998, lost in the throes of Y2K panic & excitement about the futuristic world of the 21st century, would’ve created on his ancient macintosh on some outdated Gramps Photoshop?
- Why does it look like a scene from the opening credits of Bill Nye the Science Guy?
- Did he make this himself? As it is certainly difficult to believe that anyone else with a modicum of photoshop savviness and style would’ve created something as ghastly as this?
- If he did make this himself…why?
- Why does his face solemnly gaze out from the center of this lurid masterpiece, looking like a somber & suddenly hairy moon?
- What the fuck is up with all the random lens flare effects? Is this a new “dollar store NASA photo” instagram filter I have yet to hear about?
- Why does the rightmost lensflare, radiant & blinding like Cristiano’s tan, have his signature “SR4” initials, handwritten in a strangely distended & shitty manner, undulating across the lensflare with a shitty scribbled circle thing around it?
- Why is “Gracias a todos” not in Comic Sans?
- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???
- WHO LET HIM DO THIS???
'looking like a somber & suddenly hairy moon?'
I would just like to point out that this couldn’t possibly be made with Photoshop in any form because even sneezing on Photoshop 7 can produce something better.